Blogathon: Movie Jail Relay Race
Nostra, the King of Blogathons, has teamed up with Terrence from The Focused Filmographer to deliver one of the most entertaining blogathons yet:
The Rules:
It’s time to put some movie people in jail. The object is to give a prosecutor’s argument as to why these movie people belong in “Movie Jail” whether it be for violating the integrity of the content source of one their films, or being a sell-out, just making bad movies overall, getting worse as time goes on or not being in a good movie for many years. The baton will be passed to another blogger who will have to do the following:
In order to free someone from Movie Jail they have to do 2 things:
1 – Give a defense attorney argument defending the plaintiff
2 – Pay bail: the cost of which is another case for the court and a prosecutor’s argument against the actor/director of their choice that will replace the one set free.
There must always be 10 people in Movie Jail.
The Participants:
1. My Filmviews/The Focused Filmographer
2. Cinematic Corner
3. And So It Begins…
4. Surrender to the Void
5. Cinematic Paradox
6. The Cinematic Spectacle
7. Being Norma Jean
8. Defiant Success
9. …let’s be splendid about this
10. Lime Reviews and Strawberry Confessions
11. Aziza’s Picks
12. Flixchatter
13. i luv cinema
14. Public Transportation Snob
15. The Warning Sign
16. 3 Guys 1 Movie
The Inmates:
Michael Bay
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Raja Gosnell
Katherine Heigl
Eddie Murphy
Adam Sandler
Kristen Stewart
Jennifer Lopez
Gerard Butler
Val Kilmer
Who I am Setting Free
Val Kilmer
Well, I have to let Val Kilmer out of jail right away. Now I will be the first to admit that he has been doing to his best to emulate Marlon Brando but some actors have created a body of work that gives them a lifetime pass when it comes to the twilight of their careers. I would say that putting the Lizard King in jail is a crime all by itself but you are also putting the Ice Man, Doc Holiday, and the coolest guy in Heat.
Yes, you can argue that his recent output has been pretty terrible but mixed in there amongst all the garbage in the oughts are some hidden treasures. In 2002 he was great in Salton Sea, he had a nice role in Spartan in 2004. Then he followed it up with a great performance in Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang in 2005. Thrown in there as well was his hysterical cameo on Entourage. You want something a little newer? Check him out in Kill The Irishman from 2011. Clearly he still has talent but has just been thrown some bad roles lately. All of this leads to me unlocking the cell and setting him free. I still have faith that Val is going to be able to slim it back down and wow us with another great performance.
Who I Am Locking Up
Damon Lindelof
Even his scarf is douchey
Now, the real question is, who needs to occupy his empty spot? Without question nobody needs to be locked up and have the key thrown away more than Damon Lindelof. Not only does he belong in movie jail, he needs a stint in TV jail as well. Lets start off with Lost, a show that millions of americans got hooked on and then invested ton of time caring about the fates of the characters. We learned their back stories, we hoped they would all find their way off the island. We cared deeply about them all. So how does Lindelof reward us? He tells us that all that time we spent with the show was worthless because all of the characters were already dead! Well fuck you very much!
How do you top that? How about you take the biggest box office draw of all time (Harrison Ford) and the current king of the box office (Daniel Craig) and then throw in a smoking hot Olivia Wilde and somehow manage to make a movie that sucks? Yep, we got Cowboys and Aliens.
So where do you go from there? Well I guess you could ruin one of the most well known Science Fiction horror franchises of all time. So we get Prometheus a movie about some of the stupidest scientists of all time that travel off to a distance planet based on shoddy clues from some of the stupidest aliens of all time that apparently left a map to their weapon of mass destruction. Oh, and by the way, we may all be the spawn of a race of albino Mr. Clean’s with gym memberships. Thanks for that.
So what’s next? Lindelof is giving the Midas touch to the new Star Trek movie. Fans of the franchise you have been warned!
Up Next is Cutting Edge Creativity
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Thats a great selection Mark, I can’t wait to see how he screws up World War Z.
Val Kilmer is free!!!!! He’s free!!!! Thank you guys!!!! I love Val Kilmer.
lol, you are welcome. Happy to do it!
Perfect choice. My he rot in there!!
I hope that Abrams influence will save Star Trek…I hope…I really, really hope.
**May**
I am right there with you. I fear for that movie.
Thanks for participating. You are right, Kilmer has done some decent movies in recent times and Kill the Irishman was worth watching indeed. As for Lindelof I can understand your reason although I didn’t have much of an issue with either Lost or Prometheus.
Thanks Nostra! I don’t think anyone can sum up how I feel about Prometheus better than the guys at honest trailers…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBaKqOMGPWc
Completely agree about Lindelof. He just answers questions with another question.
Yep, I could see a conversation with him going something like this…
Me: So what was the meaning behind xy and z in such and such scene?
DL: Well, what do you think it means?
Me: Fuck You
My main issue with Lindelof is the consistent use of character stupidity as a plot device.
I love this post….and this idea. Great choices Mark. Spot on for sure.
Thanks for the comment Tracy! I am glad we agree!
Nice…
I commented when Val Kilmer got locked up that I didnt think he belonged. And hell yeah I’m in favor of Lindelof getting locked up. That guy is an arch criminal!
Thanks Fogs! No bars can hold the Lizard King!
Haha, I had a feeling Val wouldn’t last too long. No complaints here about Lindelof going behind bars — great pick!
BTW, can you throw a link to my entry in the participants section? Just in case someone wants to see who threw Val in jail
Hey Eric, my apologies for that. It should be fixed now. I removed Todd P from the list as well since you let him out for good behavior.
Kilmer was awesome in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, good choice. Lindelof seems like he has the talent but cannot finish well. I loved LOST and yes even the ending didn’t bother me all that much. Promethus was so confusing and made the scientists looks like they got their degrees online.
Darn, I just wrote a long comment and it got lost out in the ether somewhere. Oh well — great post! The last section is hilarious and fun to read, right down to the douchey scarf.
And yes, Lost was a big let down.
freeing the Batman huh? haha. fun!
hey, thanks so much for being a part of the relay race. It has been so fun seeing it progress and grow.
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